Better Than Me
by I.Dream.Of.Hardyz
Summary: And I think you should know this... you deserve much better than me... "You damn slut," he slurred. She whimpered once as he sped up and turned sharply. And with a sheet of black ice, they crashed. After all, she did deserve much better than him. Matt/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Hey! I posted this story originally back in January. It was a pretty good story, I believe. One person even noted it at that time as my best story yet. But, I found out as I re-read it... it could be so much better. There was so much to work with and I could really do alot to make it better. So I did and now I'm reposting it. It will resemble the last story alot, but I'm not sure if it will have the same ending. Alot of it also follows the song "Better Than Me" by Hinder, thus the name. I suggest you look up those lyrics if you aren't familiar with the song. Other than that, I hope you enjoy the story and you review... thanks! :)

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_5:15 a.m._

_February 28, 2009_

_I can remember when I posted a blog for no reason, just to be in touch with all my fans. I remember when I fed off of all the positive comments you'd all say, ready to do anything. I remember when I had a reason to smile, more than just for each breath that comes through my lungs. I remember when I could hear her laughter near me, her body touching mine. I remember touching her, feeling the beauty that covered her inside and out. I remember feeing whole, feeling something other than this bitter emptiness… But most of all, I remember being Matt Hardy. Being the person who stated, "I will not die!"_

_About a month ago, I had everything I'd ever needed. My job was preparing for me to turn heel, I was going to the star of Smackdown. The true star, for one in my life. I would be the person that was on top, truly on top of the company._

_I ruined that chance on January 30__th__, 2009. Most of you know how and I'm not going to dwell on this blog to why. If you don't know, I suggest you find out. And you can fill this blog with as many hate messages as you want, trust me, each death threat and 'disgusting pig' comment aren't going to bother me anymore… when you hit rock bottom, nothing bothers you._

_I lost something on that day I'll never get back, ever in my life. I lost everything. Someone who loved me more than they loved themselves, I lost my job, I lost my fans, I lost my friends, I lost everything that made me, me…_

_-_

_**February 3**__**rd**__** 2009**_

Matt Hardy couldn't hear the words they were saying. He couldn't hear the sobs that ricocheted off the church walls, or the organ music that swayed through everyone's ears. He couldn't feel the itchiness of his black suit, or the hand that was laced over his own. He couldn't taste the blood from his tongue, which he'd bitten beyond return, or smell the sweet scent of the yellow roses. _Her_ favorite.

Oblivious to everything, he sat like a piece of granite next to his brother as the minister read over the last bits of the ceremony. She'd be gone forever soon enough.

He didn't want to hear, taste, smell, or feel what everyone was saying anyway. For the first time in his life, he wanted to rely on his sense of sight, wishing it was his only sense. Maybe then, maybe he wouldn't hurt so badly.

Somewhere along the next few minutes, he moved to follow his brother and Beth, his eyes to the ground. Matt could feel the weight of everyone's stares on his back, burning holes into his expensive suit. They could throw something at him and he wouldn't even react.

"Matt," a voice said – a recognizable voice. Shannon Moore, one of his best friends. He came up to Matt, eyes sad, slight reminders of what seemed to once be tears in the corners of those jade crystal balls. Matt didn't reply to his friend. Shannon stared for a minute and then he said, "Are you even going to talk to me? Give an excuse for anything?"

Was he even talking English? Matt didn't know.

Those jade eyes filled with enragement. "Look at me when I am talking to you. She's gone… _gone_ and you haven't said a word about it. Did you _plan_ something like this?" Shannon spat at him, slapping his shoulder. "Because it seems you don't give a damn that she's gone, at _all_."

Matt didn't budge.

Shannon grew even more impatient. He slapped Matt cold on the face and proceeded to shake him violently, before Jeff pulled him back. "You fucking asshole!" he yelled as Jeff tried to calm him. "She was the best fucking thing you had going for you and you let it end like that! Are you happy she's gone? Tell me, Matt!"

Shannon's shrill words echoed through Matt's head through the entire burial. He couldn't stop the looks either that Shannon gave him from across the lawn. He'd stayed far away so another confrontation couldn't occur.

_Are you happy she's gone_?

_She's gone… gone and you haven't said a word about it._

_It seems you don't give a damn that she's gone, at all._

If only he knew the extent of how wrong he was.

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**So, that was the first chapter. It's short, I know. :( I'll have an update ready in a few days. READ AND REVIEW AND UPDATE I SHALL!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **6 Reviews? Wow, you guys are awesome! ^__^ Thank you to those who reviewed and alerted and a thank you to the same person who called the story my best last time for alerting again. ;) I promise not to get so pushy... haha. ;) Sorry, inside joke. :p Anyway, um... yeah. I don't know what else to say. There is some added new stuff compared to the last story in this chapter too. Enjoy!_

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A cold February day did nothing to numb the pain Matt Hardy was in. He stood like a statue, eyes locked towards the ground. He didn't want to cry, weakness seemed to be an awful thing. But how could you _not_ show emotion to something like this? He sighed and dug his foot forward into the recently unsettled dirt.

"Matt, we should go," Jeff said carefully from behind him, unsure how to get his brother to budge. Jeff was the quiet one, the one that never shared anything. But Matt – Matt who liked to tell the world about every detail of his life – was locked in another world, an emotionless world. "It's getting dark."

Again, Matt didn't even stir. His dark, chocolately brown eyes stayed fixated on what was hurting him. "Go; I'll be home soon," he whispered back. Even this shocked Jeff, Matt had barely spoken since then. Even five words were welcomed.

"Alright…" Jeff said uncertainly. "Um…" Jeff trailed off, trying to think of the right thing to say. Words didn't come to his lips. He only hung his head and trudged over to where Beth Britt stood.

Matt waited until Jeff was far gone and he was sure he was all alone in the wide, long area. He had come to the cemetery with not much on his mind. Somehow, he hoped standing before her grave would give him some kind of closure. But, as he had been standing there for a while and nothing had seemed to change, he was being to doubt he'd ever have any closure. He kneeled down, one single tear barely escaping from his eyes. He studied the stone closer, unsure of what to say. With one lip barely opening, he whispered, "You deserved so much better than me."

**_Twelve months before._**

_"Hurry up, Shan, I'm fucking hungry," Matt grumbled to Shannon Moore as they exited the night's arena. Both had matches that night (pretty shocking for Shannon) and were near the point of starving. _

_"I'm coming, I'm coming," the green-eyed wrestler called back from the lockerroom. "I lost my cell…"_

_Beside Matt, Jeff sighed. "Idiot."_

_Matt laughed at his brother's humor and watched around the arena at the different parts. People bustled around everywhere, some planning for the upcoming main event, others – like the majority of the Carolina Crew – getting ready to head out. Out of the corner of his right eye, Matt saw Lisa Marie Varon and Eve Torres leaving._

_"Found it!" Shannon said gleefully, coming up beside the Hardy duo. "Let's go."_

_Jeff rolled his eyes, shoving the smaller Shannon. "About time."_

_About ten minutes later, the trio pulled up to a local diner and got out. At that point, they would have eaten at the dumpster, all were so hungry. But for Matt, which he did not know, he would leave with so much more than a full stomach._

**_Present_**

"I'm worried about him," Jeff confided to Beth on the way home. "I've known him for so long, Beth. He's never acted like this. Not even when… Mom died." Jeff sighed, feeling helpless for his elder brother.

Beth patted Jeff's leg in comfort. "I know, Jeff. But, this is different from when your mother passed away. Matt was at fault for this."

Jeff cringed at the idea. "Still… I wish he'd just talk to me."

Beth looked at the love of her life. He looked so much older than normal with his sad and confused eyes. She didn't know how to comfort him. "We can't do much right now. Matt will go to court next week and we'll go from there. Things will be better." Beth wished she could be sure of her words.

Jeff sighed. "I hope so."

Before Beth could answer, a small cry sank through the house. Jeff stood up before Beth could, though she had a look of slight alarm in her eyes. "I'll go check on her," Jeff finally said, giving Beth a tiny smile.

The rainbow-haired warrior slowly made his way up the steps to Matt's house, the creaking sending chills up his spine. The cries grew louder as he walked, the sound almost welcoming to his ears. Since everyone had been so quiet, the whimpering was almost welcome. At least someone—no matter how small—was showing emotion.

Jeff entered the newly designed room with a new spirit. There wasn't any way he could frown when he looked at her. She had such an innocent aurora about her. That was the way it was supposed to be though. She was just a baby, after all.

"What's the matter, Cheyenne?" Jeff cooed, picking up the two-month old infant. "Uncle Jeff is here."

The brunette haired baby girl gurgled happily as Jeff spun her around slowly. A tiny smile spread on her face – or maybe it was a gas bubble. It didn't matter if it was or not to Jeff, for him it was a smile, a smile he would welcome with great effort. Frowns and tears were just too plentiful these days.

"You miss your daddy," Jeff commented slowly, shifting so the baby was cradled in his arms. "Daddy needs to take some time out right now, baby girl. He's hurting. But he loves you very much."

The little girl looked up at Jeff with her familiar green eyes and appearance. He could still see her everyday. Cheyenne was a part of her, Cheyenne would always be a part of her. And something told Jeff that when Matt looked at his daughter, that was what would hurt him most of all.

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**Another short chapter, I know. But I felt I needed that BOOM kind of ending for the chapter, you know? READ AND REVIEW AND UPDATE I SHALL!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **YAY for reviews. Thank you for the reviews from the last chapter. ^__^ Oh... Matt is aware he has a child. What I meant by that is that the baby is looking like it's mother and that is why it will hurt him... if that makes any sense. Anyway... enjoy!_

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**_Flashback – Diner_**

_"This place is… dead," Jeff muttered with a sigh as they exited the cold air and went into the warmer diner. "The food is probably shitty." All shared at laugh._

_"Hi," a warm voice said before the boys could continue. All turned to the voice, seeing a pretty woman in what seemed to her mid-twenties. "Can I get a seat for you, boys?"_

_Jeff nodded. "Please."_

_"Right this way," the woman chirped, grabbing three menus and walking towards the large booths to their right. She hummed under her breath as she walked, hips swinging in her pencil skirt in tucked-in shirt. "Take a seat and I'll be right back to order your drinks."_

_She left the boys to sit and decide on a drink. "I think I'll get a beer," __Shannon__ decided, not even opening the menu._

_Jeff snorted. "Well… there's a big surprise."_

_Shannon__ met Jeff's rolling eyes with a wild grin. "Yep." He looked over to Matt then, unsure why his friend wasn't laughing along with the irony of the situation. But Matt was staring at the waitress that had brought them over. She was talking to the cook, a small smile on her elegant features. "Matt, what are you… oh, the chick."_

_All eyes floated to 'the chick'. "She's… she's… damn."_

_"Good God, she's got him stutterin'," __Shannon__ mumbled. "Matt, you sound like I should be."_

_Jeff smirked and looked to his brother. Lust was covering every inch of his eyes and he stared hungrily at the waitress. Yet, when she began to head back over toward the table, all eyes averted back to the menus, as if they all weren't gawking. And though Shannon and Jeff didn't admit it, the woman was hot. Long legged, brunette with a round, elegant face, and, best of all to Matt, round dimples. He was instantly awed._

_"Hello again," she said in her cutesy voice. "What can I get y'all to drink?"_

_"Whatever you got on the tap."_

_"We don't have any beer, sir." _

_Jeff chuckled underneath his breath, but didn't look up. _

_"Oh. Then… I guess I'll have a Coke, then. Jeff?"_

_"Uh, same… Matt? Matt. MATT!"_

_"Huh, what?" Matt asked. When he looked up, he realized what was going on and immediately wanted to cringe. "Uh… Coke." His eyes wandered around her for a moment, landing on her nametag. The woman's name was Lauren. _

_"Three Cokes it is. I'll be right back." And when she turned away, Matt Hardy knew he was like a high schooler in lust… he wanted her, and badly._

_"Mattie's got a crush," the sometimes immature __Shannon__ said underneath his breath, wildly still grinning at Matt. Jeff was grinning too, laughing a tiny bit._

_"I don't have a crush," Matt objected._

_"True," Jeff agreed. "You're already planning the fuckin' wedding."_

_  
Shannon howled beside him, slapping the table, making all its contents shake with the vibrations. Matt scowled at his best friend and brother, obviously trying to deny what was so true. "Good one, Jeff," __Shannon__ finally breathed out._

_"Would you two assholes shut the hell up?" Matt grumbled._

_Shannon__ only pretended to zip his lips and then pointed. Lauren was coming back over._

_"Hey, guys! Ready to order?" All three men instantly remembered they were at a diner as she set the drinks down and looked at them with a slightly confused expression. "Or maybe… I should give you fellas a few more minutes."_

_"Yeah," Jeff concurred. "Definitely."_

_"Great." With that, Lauren swayed away._

_Shannon__ howled with laughter at Matt's puppy-dog looking face. "Mattie's got a crush," he sang again. This time, Matt didn't even object._

_-_

_"So that's one bacon cheese burger, a steak with fries, and… a grilled chicken sandwich with… coleslaw," Lauren confirmed a few minutes later. Matt, Jeff, and Shannon all gave her a half-hearted nod, not sure what they even ordered. The younger two at the table were having too much fun torturing Matt over his ogling than actually paying attention to what they were ordering. And Matt, Matt had seemingly forgotten how to talk, something odd for the brunette. He was usually good at that, obviously._

_"That's right," Jeff finally confirmed for her. She gave them a warm smile and walked away._

_"Why don't you just ask her out?"_

_"Ask her out? I don't know her… I don't like her."_

_"Matt," __Shannon__ said seriously. "You look like a damn teenager… and you're acting like one. Just ask the girl out."_

_Matt almost pouted. "I'm not asking the girl out."_

_"Lauren," Jeff interjected with a grin._

_"Fuck off," Matt murmured back, watching Lauren clean the counter around her. "She is… pretty."_

_Both Shannon and Jeff sighed, annoyed by their elder's stupidity. It was like he didn't want to like her… to think she was hot, whatever was going on in his mind. "Ask," Jeff began._

_"Her."_

_"OUT!" __Shannon__ yelled._

_Lauren looked up then and gave them a perplexed smile. "Great, now she thinks we're insane."_

_Jeff scoffed. "It's not like we haven't heard that before. Now, next time she comes over, talk to her."_

_"Yeah, whatever."_

**_Present_**

"Where is he?" Jeff complained, staring at the clock. They had left him almost an hour ago. He leaned against the wall with a sigh, feeling Beth come up beside him, little Cheyenne in her arms, a bottle being suckled in the infant's lips.

"He'll come back. He had to walk, remember," Beth reminded him. "He's guilty," she whispered into his ear. "Matt is beating himself up."

Jeff nodded. "I know, but I hate it. I can't do anything to help him. It sucks, Beth. It just fucking sucks. I'm the screw up. I'm the one that fucks up and still gets cheered. He makes one mistake in life and everyone hates him. Now he's just shutting everyone out. His damn daughter doesn't even know who her father is and she'll never know her mother…"

Beth sighed, pressing her chin into Jeff's shoulder. "I know, Jeff. It's hard on everyone… we have to give him space. You've never done anything to this extent. This is very different." Beth felt like a parent to Jeff suddenly, having consol him and keep her own sanity.

She herself was so very disappointed in Matt, but was trying to hold what was left of her family together, especially with the newest addition of Cheyenne. Everything around them was broken. Shannon wasn't speaking to Matt and Shane Helms was distant. All the people whom she cared for most were suddenly dwindling away.

Most people were disgusted with Matt. Most of his fans had dropped him as soon as the information was leaked on the web, and the others just didn't know what to say. They were hurt to see something like what happened, happen. Like Shannon, even his friends were hurt. Disgusted, hurt, it was basically the same idea.

Meanwhile, Matt hadn't moved from the spot he was on. His body was hunched over the spot, staring at the stone without much emotion. "I'm so sorry." He'd said that enough times but nothing made him feel better. Matt was not a crier, but he wanted to break down and sob. Nothing would allow him to do so.

He'd lost everything. His job, his friends, his fans and if he kept ignoring them, his family. What could he do? Nothing could take back the pain he had caused. He'd destroyed lives. He'd mangled his own. His own family was unsure how to deal with him. And to top it off, every time he came home, he had to look at the identical clone of what she once was. He was supposed to care for that child and yet he couldn't bear to even look at her.

He was unsure of how to deal with the world.

Once, he had been on top. He was the champion of his company; he had a great girlfriend, a loving family, all in all, a great life.

It was gone.

Everything was gone.

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**I heart Shannon Moore. Uhm... yep, that's it. READ AND REVIEW AND UPDATE I SHALL!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews! ^__^ Hope you enjoy the new chapter!_

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He sighed at the ground, feeling remorse all over his body. They didn't deserve to have to hear about what it had left behind. His troubled mind should have been only to his own.

Matt stood up, numb to the cold air and headed toward the road. He had an hour's worth of walking ahead of him. No car, no way to get home. Home; something he couldn't even call the big house he lived in. It would be hollow inside… nothing but one person again. Of course, there was Lucas, but as much as he loved his dog, it was not enough. And then there also was the baby… but Jeff and Beth had taken care of her in the past month, so it seemed even emptier inside.

Only a month ago… it was only a month ago. He was perfect. His life was _perfect_.

Wasn't the life he had what he always wanted? A family to call his own; a wife, a baby, and a marriage on the horizon…

If only a man was able to get a time machine. Matt Hardy would do anything to go back in time and fix all that he lost and gain back the most important thing missing.

_If only_.

The words echoed through his mind as he seemingly causally strolled through the countryside roads. It was only about forty degrees out, but he wouldn't know anything about that anymore. His body didn't feel anything, only felt remorse and the pain… his only feelings left.

_Dead_.

All the things he once lived by; gone. "Life is not a destination, but a journey." Everything else about working hard and giving it your all. You can achieve anything you want in life. If two boys from a small southern town could make it to the WWE, anything was possible.

_Was_ being the key word.

_"Maybe we should just end it!" She squealed, tears slipping down her face. "If you're not happy with me, I'll go. It's fine Matt."_

_"Amy, it's not fine!" he roared back. _Funny how the memory was now so clear to him. Only if he could have heard it then._ "You're a good for nothing—"_

_"I'm not Amy!" she wailed. "I'm not. I'm sorry."_

Matt shuddered at the memories. Never did he believe that the idea of having the perfect woman, the woman he once loved more than anything, would consume him fully. Sure, it was an afterthought, something that stayed in the back of his mind, but he'd never thought about it becoming his life.

He never thought it'd end like that.

Matt didn't even notice that he'd made it to his house, or that he was crying. The tears had finally fallen. The pain was no longer numb. How could he have been so stupid, such a man? He shook his head bitterly and entered the unlocked door (if someone would break it and kill him, did it matter to him anymore? Not at all). He could hear his brother's voice as he headed up the stairs… Jeff was never good at whispering.

"Should I follow him?"

Matt didn't even blink at it. He'd make sure he'd ignore him if he did. He stepped into what was once _their_ bedroom and sighed. Memories were all that he was left of her and they were only bad ones. His mind didn't allow anything happy anymore. Happy was not an emotion, it could not be felt.

Her clothes from that day still sat littered on the bottom of the bed. He hadn't had the nerve to move them. It wasn't like he'd really slept since it had happened. Who could sleep with something like that on your mind?

There were wedding plans scattered all over a desk near the window. Sketches of dresses she had swore she would pick from someday… 'Even if it's the day before the wedding,' she had joked. There were thousands upon thousands of presents in the corner of the room, gifts for the baby no one had even touched yet.

Funny how something so small brought everything back.

Matt Hardy felt empty.

Nothing but a body.

**_Dead_**.

**Flashback – diner**

_"Why can't I just leave?" Matt hissed to Jeff and Shannon. They simply laughed as he was pushed by the two of them up to the register, to pay for the bill._

_He stopped short, seeing Lauren standing there with a smile. "Ready to pay?" she suggested, looking at the credit card in his hands. Matt couldn't even help but notice her wrinkly smile, one that made you want to smile back._

_"Yeah," he muttered carefully, handing her the card. As she charged him, he turned to look at his brother and best friend. They made kissy faces and grinned. Matt wanted to scream. _

_"Here you go," Lauren said with a smile, handing him back the card. She stared back at him as he stared into her hazel eyes, finding himself unable to move. She hypnotized him! The woman was a witch! That was all Matt could think, but he couldn't help but smile at her, a weird smile as she cocked her head to the side. "Is there anything else you'll be needing?"_

_Shannon couldn't take it anymore. He came up beside Matt and grinned that child-like smile. "Hi, I'm Shannon."_

_"Hi," Lauren said back, her perplexed smile returning._

_"I'm his best friend. His name is Matt." Shannon nodded to Matt, nudging him in the side. But Matt didn't stop smiling and staring at Lauren. He was in a trance. "And he's got something to ask you, don't you Matt?"_

_Matt looked like he was in another world._

_"Matt?" Both Shannon and Lauren stared at him._

_"Is there something you need?" Lauren repeated, to both of them. She smiled carefully; the woman seemed to love to smile._

_Shannon sighed, leaning over. "I hate to be blunt, but yeah. Your number." Behind him, Jeff snorted. "Oh yeah and that's Matt's brother, Jeff."_

_"Hi," she said slowly and turned back to the other two in front of her. "My number?" she asked._

_Shannon nodded. "Matt talk!"_

_For some reason, that snapped him out of it and he realized what he had done, panicking. "Hi!" he said quickly._

_Lauren giggled. "You want my number." It came out like a statement, not a question and this pleased all of them. "May I ask for what?" Jeff and Shannon almost cheered. She was flirting._

_Finally, Matt's instincts kicked in and he smiled. "You know, so I can call you tomorrow night and ask you to dinner?"_

_Lauren let out another field of giggles. "Why don't you ask me right now?"_

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**READ AND REVIEW AND UPDATE I SHALL!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews! ^__^ Hope you enjoy the chapter. :)_

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**Present**

He picked up his phone, contemplating calling Shannon. He wasn't sure if he would even speak to him. There was a part of Matt that snickered, saying he'd never pick up. The other part of him frowned and thought it was his best friend… right? Though he'd become such close friends with Lauren…

**Flashback**

_"Wow! This place is amazing," Lauren Jeri said with a sigh. She was inside of a WWE ring, about an hour or so before Smackdown would begin its Tuesday night taping. Most of the ring and area had been set up, so only a few stray people lingered around them, giving Lauren and Matt Hardy complete privacy._

_Yes, Matt Hardy had gotten the nerve to ask the waitress out after her question. And since then, she'd been joined at his hip, but never before had she gone to work with him. To see what others didn't see before and behind the show. Standing in the ring, Lauren had never been more amazed by the size of an empty arena._

_When it's full of people on TV, you don't realize how many people can be held inside._

_"It is," Matt agreed, sweeping one hand around her. "I'm glad you like it."_

_"Like it?" Lauren breathed. "This entire experience has been amazing." She giggled as she leaned against the ropes, flipping herself from side to side. "Makes me want to train and learn to wrestle."_

_A gleam filled Matt Hardy's eyes. "Really?" He paused and looked around him, almost casually. "I could teach you…"_

_Lauren was back at Matt's side, her eyes wild with excitement before he'd even finished his statement. "Would you?" she squealed. "Please, Matt? I want to learn! This entire thing… it's… Matt!"_

_Matt chuckled, sweeping the brunette in for a kiss. "I'll have to see. Maybe I'll even get __Shannon__ to help." At the sound of Shannon Moore's name, Lauren's smile brightened even further. She'd grown close to the blonde wrestler in the few weeks they'd been together. And if it wasn't for that __Shannon__ was completely and utterly in love with someone else, he'd even think about… no, no, no, not cheating. _

_"Yes!" Lauren screamed again, crushing Matt again and again with hugs. "Ask __Shannon__. Ask Jeff too… ask anyone. I want to learn. I want to be like you guys." She looked around the arena with a dreamy smile on her face, ever-so glad to except Matt's offer at her job that night. Going out on a date with Matt Hardy had worked wonders for her life. Never before had Lauren Jeri been as happy as she was with Matt. She had new friends, she was on the road as much as her job allowed, and she was able to see new things every day. Plus, the man she was with was loved by girls of all ages… sometimes, a bit of an ego and being his girl could be rewarding._

_"Take it easy, Lauren," Matt whispered into her ear, sending chills up and down her spine. Having Matt whisper into her ear was like ecstasy to her… sweet surrender. "It's not in stone yet. I'll have to see."_

_Lauren pouted, but nodded. "Okay. But I really want to learn." They began to exit the ring, walking slowly up the ramp. Matt only nodded, knowing there was not a change in hell that he could tell no to that girl, ever._

**Present**

If only he could have at that time. If only he had enough will power to stand above her and tell her no, if only he hadn't fallen for the girl as she giggled and pleaded with him. Maybe if he realized he was slowly trying to change her into someone else, he could have saved her. Maybe if her faults didn't change how he could feel, he wouldn't be in pain on his floor in his house.

"What have I done." His question came out cold and like a statement. Matt Hardy knew what he had done, sadly. He knew how much he had done and how much he'd let everything crash with him.

A knock on the door nearly sent Matt out of his skin. It wasn't that he didn't expect someone to knock. He knew his brother would never leave him alone. He was worried and even numb, Matt felt bad for tearing his brother up like that. He knew his father was even worried and upset.

"Matt?" a voice said. It wasn't Jeff's voice, it was Beth's.

Matt cringed. He hadn't spoken to Beth in so long. He was afraid to talk to her. She had become good friends with Lauren while Matt was with her. Matt expected Beth to turn on him like Shannon had. Oh, how he missed Shannon's idiotic behavior.

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but not a sound came out. What to do, how to reply to Beth? His mind didn't know. He only grunted.

"Matt, I'm coming in…" Beth whispered, trailing off as the knob of the door moved slowly and the old door creaked open. "Hi Matt." In her arms was Cheyenne. The baby was awake, eyes alert as her the eyes fell on her father's.

Matt didn't reply, but stared into her face, burning holes. Beth couldn't believe how hollow Matt looked, as if the real Matt wasn't even inside him anymore. The real Matt had faded away that night, even. "Oh Matt…" she murmured, coming up beside him, where he lay against the bed. "What have you done to yourself?"

He turned away, embarrassed for what he had become. He was so sorry. At first though, he didn't miss her. His mind was so clouded that he couldn't miss her. He wouldn't allow himself to miss her. Now that he had realized, all he did was miss her. All the time, every moment. With the reminder of little Cheyenne to give more insult to injury… he just felt disgusted. There he was with a daughter to care for and he couldn't bare look the child in the eye. He didn't want to be a bad father. But how could he take care of a child that resembled her in every way?

Seeing Beth in front of him made him realize how lucky he had been with Lauren. Lauren was a beautiful girl, full of life and spirit, always ready and smiling. Such a sad thing to see her gone. His mind floated to the memories his overly sadistic conscious had allowed him to dig up. Her laughter, her smile, and the way she kissed him. The reason they made love one late night in the hotel room, the night before Matt promised to show her the ways of the ring.

**Flashback**

_"Man, I'm beat," Matt yawned while he slid the card into its slot, the giggling Lauren behind him. She was slightly drunk and leaning on him. Her normally bubbly personality was amplified beyond recognition and she was just a bouncing body._

_Lauren barely gave Matt a chance to set his bags down as they came into their hotel room. She swung her arms around his neck, pushing her body forcefully onto his. He could taste the alcohol on her lips and the scent of it on his breath. Her tongue roamed his mouth hungrily as his hormones kicked in and they fell onto the old hotel bed._

_She squealed as Matt wrapped his hands around her waist, squeezing just enough to drive her mad. A good mad. More giggles escaped between kisses while hormones held their actions. Matt could feel his t-shirt coming off without his doing. Little did he know, he had already pulled off her tube top and was inching toward the woman's bra._

_Then, reality set in. Lauren was drunk and they hadn't been together more than two months. He couldn't take advantage of a woman who was drunk, even if she had started the behavior._

_"Lauren," he grunted, despite his body's obvious rebuttal to his upcoming actions. "Lauren… stop!"_

_She didn't though. Her hands traced his chest down to the belt buckle of his pants. God, she's making this hard, he thought in lust. Then, he heard the clasp on his belt snap and his pants loosen on his waist._

_"Lauren," he tried once more._

_She giggled at her name. "Matt," she answered in her hazy state. "Matt, Matt, Matt." Her giggles ricocheted off his ears… why was everything turning him on? "Don't be a party pooper." She stopped her exploration on Matt to give him a pout, one he couldn't resist._

_Matt smirked. She knew his weaknesses. Then, forgetting about his doubts and any source of protection, he ripped his pants off, following the removal of Lauren's other undergarments. That night both Matt and Lauren went to sleep happy._

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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Thank you for the wonderful reviews! ^__^ I wasn't going to put this update up tonight, but since a person who hasn't updated in months finally updated one of my favorite stories tonight... well I figured I'd return the favor. Enjoy!_

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_

**Present**

Everything that had made him fall for her, everything that reminded him of someone else, something that made him remember.

How could he have done this?

"Matt, please talk to me, talk to someone," Beth pleaded with him, breaking his thoughts. "We're all so worried about you."

_Worried?_ Matt thought bitterly. _Worried about what? Who cares about me?_ He laughed without humor.

Beth looked appalled. "Do you think this is funny, Matt? You're acting like a child. Talk to one of us before we all leave. Is that what you want, Matt? Do you want us to all leave so you can wallow in self-pity forever because it's not going to happen." She paused, putting Cheyenne closer to Matt. "You see her, Matt? That's your daughter. Your own flesh and blood. Just because you don't feel the need to be a member in society anymore doesn't mean this beautiful little girl is going away. She needs her daddy." Beth stood up and frowned even harder. "You have a brother downstairs who is beating the shit out of himself just because he wants to help you. I'm trying to do something here too. We're not leaving you, Matt. Life will go on. You know that right? You're not the only one in pain. At all. So stop thinking you are and get your life together."

Beth knew she was harsh as she slammed the door shut and stomped toward the stairs. She even knew some of the words she had said hadn't been true. Matt was probably so guilty if she looked close enough, it was probably written on him. But guilt wasn't going to help anyone anymore. She couldn't see Jeff go on like that. Not her husband, not the man she loved. Someone had to do something.

Upstairs, Matt fumed. _Where does Beth get off talking to me like that? She has no clue!_

Yet, the anger faded quickly and the numbness came back with a vengeance. He wished to feel something other than guilt and nothing for more than a minute. To feel normal again. To be normal. How could he be?

**Flashback**

_"I told you this would be hard work," Matt whispered as Lauren groaned from the bed they were sharing at a hotel on the road about a month after their first love session. "It takes a lot of guts and pain. This business isn't just for anyone. If you can't handle it, maybe you shouldn't…"_

_"Is that what you think Matt?" Lauren asked as she sprang up from the bed. There was a faint scowl on her lips, but her eyes still smiled. "I loved every minute of today! There isn't a doubt in my mind that this is for me. I just hurt right now… but I love it. Thank you Matt… thank you for everything."_

_Matt smiled. "You're welcome."_

_Suddenly, Lauren's face soured and she sprang toward the bathroom. Only seconds later, Matt heard the noises of retching from the bathroom. He ran forward, seeing Lauren gripping the toilet. He was quick to grab her hair and wrap it around his fingers._

_"It's normal," he said quietly. "Sometimes that's just your body's reaction to the intense work-out that wrestling brings."_

_He hadn't noticed the tears in her eyes though. "No."_

_Matt chuckled. "Yes, Lauren. It's normal."_

_"No," she whispered again, sitting up. She put one hand on her stomach and started counting under her breath. Then, she looked up, those smiling eyes suddenly cloaked with fear. "No!"_

_"What is it?" Matt asked with fear in his own voice._

_She shook her head, getting up and pacing in the main hotel room. "No, no! I thought… shit! Oh no… no!"_

_"What is it, Lauren?" Matt snapped, his anger rising slightly._

_"I missed my period," she said fearfully. Matt stared at her. "Think back a month, Matt. Think back!" Her voice was shrill and terrified._

_She watched as the color drained from Matt's face as the realization dawned on him. "You're… you're pregnant?"_

_Lauren bit down on her lip and looked toward the ceiling. "Unless I'm completely off… I think so."_

_Matt was quick to process this in his brain. "Oh my God," he moaned. "What were we thinking?"_

_She sat on the bed, holding her stomach. "We weren't."_

_Matt nodded, his head low toward the ground. Then, he looked up, a newfound hope in his eyes. "If you are pregnant…"_

_Again, fear cased her eyes. "Matt! Oh… no! I was training today! If I am pregnant… I could have hurt the baby!"_

_He stared at the ground, his mind whirling from all the new information in his head. "Shit…" He looked up again. "Okay, he's the plan. We go to the doctor's tomorrow. We find out if you are… and if you are, we go from there… okay?" He sat next to her, slipping her tiny body between his. "It's going to be okay. I won't have it otherwise."_

_Lauren looked up, a faint smile on her face. "You're amazing."_

_He chuckled. "I try."_

_-_

_The next day, the doctor confirmed Lauren's fears: she was pregnant. The good news was, the baby was developing healthily. But, Matt couldn't help but notice as they drove back to the hotel room they had used the night before, Lauren didn't seem too happy._

_"What's the matter?" he asked softly. "Look, I know it's a big deal, but—"_

_Lauren peered up. "I don't want to give the baby up."_

_He was startled by her words. "Give the baby up? Lauren, what are you talking about? No one said anything about giving the baby up."_

_"You want a baby, Matt?" she asked as they got out of his rental car. "This baby was part of your life plan?" she questioned darkly._

_Matt shook his head, trying to come up with a reasonable statement for the young woman whom he was quickly falling for. "No," he agreed. "I didn't have this as part of my life plan. But life is full of surprises. This is merely a surprise. Just because it wasn't part of what I was aiming for, doesn't mean I don't want it in my life. Lauren… if you want to have this baby… I'm more than ready to be the father to it."_

_A braver smile came onto her face. "But us… what about us? Two months together and I'm pregnant… what will everyone think? They'll say I'm a whore!"_

_Matt pulled her close. "They can say all they want but I know the truth. And you should know that's all that matters."_

_"You know… Matt, I think I fall for you more and more everyday."_

_Matt smiled. "I think I'd have to agree." He paused for a moment, then added, "You do know that you'll have to put the wrestling training off for a bit, right?"_

_"Of course," she said, shock in her voice and expression._

_A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he kissed hers lightly. "Just checking."_

_Lauren pulled Matt down onto the bed with a smile, though her actions were tentative. "How did you ever come into my life, sir?" Matt's hormones went wild and he got on top of her quickly. Minutes later, all clothes were off and moans ricocheted off the walls of the apartment. Yet, it wasn't Lauren's face or body Matt thought he was touching._

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Thanks mucho for the reviews! ^__^ You know I love 'em. Let's see... yep, that's about it. Enjoy!_

* * *

_

**Present**

That was the first night he'd pictured her while having sex with Lauren. As he remembered it on the floor, Matt felt himself cringe. How far had he lost it then? How could something happen like that? He had caught himself before he'd give some real clue about it, but still… how could his mind even think that? He was going to be the father of her baby… and he was dreaming of being with someone else. How sick was that?

Matt believed he was nothing short of terrible.

It wasn't like she was her all the time. Most of the time, Lauren made Matt happy. Her happy-go-lucky lifestyle and more infectious than a staph infection laugh made him high with happiness. She loved everything about his lifestyle and him, never wanting to leave his side. Unfortunately, she did have a job and her trips with Matt were very infrequent at times.

They'd see each other once a week, if lucky at times. With his fame, it was hard to do things normal couples did, so when they were able to, each was cherished. And Lauren loved to shop, like most girls. Unlike her, Matt did not. She spent hours staring relentlessly at shopping racks, going over each shirt fifty times before pulling it up and tossing it at him. And when they finally got to the fitting room? There was enough clothes for a mountain to be threatened.

Yet, there was just one time at the mall he'd never forget, the only happiness he could still feel somewhere deep in his bones, where he felt completely and utterly perfect.

**Flashback**

_"This is the last store," Lauren called to Matt from behind her. "I promise. I just want to look at their jeans. It's a sale, it won't take a long." For Matt, his definition of 'it won't take long' and her definition were like oil and water. He had already spent two hours looking at maternity clothes._

_He sighed. It was going to be a long night. "Come on!" she crooned from somewhere in the sea of clothing. "Look at these jeans. Originally fifty and on sale for twenty! What a deal!" Matt had to smile. Only something like that could make Lauren happy. _

_"That's… great, hunny," Matt forced out, a little unsure how to answer._

_"Come on! I want to try them on!" Before Matt could even protest, she practically threw him into a nearby fitting room with herself and pulled the mini-skirt she was wearing off. Pulling the jeans on, she grinned at herself. "Perfect fit. What do you think Matt?"_

_They were the perfect fit for Matt, too. Her body looked amazing in them. "Flawless," he told her truthfully._

_She giggled at his eyes. "You dog. I know that look." Matt grinned sheepishly. And yet, before he could reply, she was digging in her bag. "This calls for pictures."_

_Matt was a bit shocked by her words. "Pictures?"_

_"Yes, pictures. We're going to take pictures." And he was blinded by flash. Over the next five minutes (and by each minute more, he got the idea) she took loads and tons of photos of herself and Matt, giggling the entire time. And when she finished, even Matt was grinning from ear to ear and laughing relentlessly._

_"I think we should take pictures more often," Matt said to her and laughed. He leaned her against the wall and kissed her passionately, a wide smile on his face still. They were making-out when an employee knocked on the door and complained about the noise and flashes._

_Matt could only burst into hearty laughter one more as Lauren scrambled to get dressed and pulled him out the door, forgetting the reasonably priced jeans all together._

**Present**

Just before it happened, Lauren had lost those pictures, or so she thought. Matt went under the bed and pulled out the photos, looking over them with a sad expression. She had left them there one day and out of greed, he had decided to keep them. How happy they were only six months ago. Each one brought back a taste of the memory and how great the day had been to the two of them. He could see her slight baby bump, just showing beneath her loose fitting t-shirt. And beside the photos were the notes he would never get rid of.

With Matt away so much and Lauren alone, she had begun to write to him to keep her sanity. The notes weren't much, just something to keep the time moving, but Matt cherished every single one of them. They were one of the few things he still had left of her.

His hand scrolled over one of them with a sigh.

_Dear Matt,_

_You come home tomorrow… I couldn't be any happier. We can discuss the baby plans and what we're going to do if it's a boy or girl. And then we can continue my training again… how great… is it really only four months until the baby is due? I can't wait to have the baby and train again. I will have two new loves in my life then. I'll be great once I get the hang of it… Do you think that maybe I could debut in the WWE? Would you talk to Vince for me? I will be good one day, I know it. I'm a fast learner and I'm young… I have the chance, right? Oh Matt, think of how great it would be. You and I on the road together with the baby, we could share everything. It sounds so much better than this stupid diner. Mark (my boss, remember him?) says that I shouldn't get my hopes up about this. He's already mad that I went and got pregnant after only knowing you two months and we're not even married. He's very religious… apparently, I am a whore in his eyes. I told you someone would think that. But you're right… I don't believe him. I am not a whore. I'm far from it. And I know I will be a great mother and a great wrestler one day. I know I can do both and I know you think I can too. This will be something I'll be proud of one day. And to think, none of this would have happened if I hadn't met you… _

_Love,_

_Lauren._

The last sentence of her note made Matt's eyes widen at his own discovery and the eeriness of the statement. '_None of this would have happened if I hadn't met you._' Sure, he'd realized that before, but for some reason, seeing it in print, even for a completely different reason made him cringe. She'd be alive if it wasn't for Matt. She'd be happy and she'd think she was good enough.

And for the second time that night, as he thought more and more about his relationship with Lauren, Matt wondered, "What have I done?"

He had almost forgotten that the note he had read was the one that made him go and get that sparkly, small object that went on a certain finger on a girl's hand…

* * *

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	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Thanks mucho for the reviews! ^__^ You know I love 'em. Let's see... yep, that's about it. Enjoy!_

* * *

_

**Flashback**

_"This is ridiculous, Matt!" Lauren said in a cutesy voice which made him think though she said those words she was still happy. He had led her through the wooded area that was his house, coming to a small clearing where he had set up a carton of Lauren's favorite cupcakes. Inside one of them, was an engagement ring. If he was going to father her baby, he might as well become her husband._

_When he let go of her eyes, she squealed. "Oh how romantic!" Quickly, those eyes filled with tears. She giggled, poking Matt in the stomach. "You're making my crazy pregnant hormones go inside, mister."_

_Matt smiled. "Here, eat one."_

_He handed her a pink cupcake, but she shook her head. "I want the yellow one."_

_Matt wanted to scream. The yellow one didn't happen to contain the wedding ring inside of it. "No, the pink one I got made especially for you. Eat it."_

_She pouted. "But yellow is more happy. I like happy."_

_Matt frowned, knowing she could be as stubborn as he could be. And before he could think of any other way, he took her hand and then picked up the pink cupcake. Then, he flipped it upside down and smashed it over her hand. She squealed as he did this, staring at him like he belonged in a psychiatric home._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Feel around."_

_She continued to stare, but did what she was told. Then, she felt it in her fingers. Frowning, she let go of Matt's other hand and felt around. When Lauren realized what she was holding, more tears fell from her eyes. "Oh Matt," she cooed. "Are you asking…?"_

_He got down on one knee, taking a page from the book of Shannon Moore… or at least, the advice from __Shannon__ on how to 'woo' a woman. "Lauren, will you marry me?"_

_Her loud, drawn-out squeal didn't need a verbal answer. He already knew he had a yes. But as she kissed his lips and the word "yes" escaped, he knew he had made one woman he loved very happy… even if it wasn't the woman he happened to see in his head at night._

**Present**

"He's hopeless," Beth announced as she came into the kitchen, plopping down onto one of Matt's seats. She has placed Cheyenne back in her crib upstairs. The couple had been crashing at Matt's house since the then and didn't leave, even though their new house was practically done. Part of both of them were afraid to leave him alone. Plus, it wasn't like he was capable of taking care of his child either. "It's like he's mute or something. Nothing I say will get him to talk. I even insulted him and he didn't budge. It's like a trance or something. I don't get it Jeff, I—"

"I know, Beth," Jeff whispered. Beth stopped mid-ramble and looked at Jeff. "I know."

"Then what are we going to do? He can't go on like this forever. It's ridiculous!" She sighed and rubbed her palms to her face. "And we can't live like this forever. You still have a job and we have a brand new house."

Jeff looked to Beth and she felt a chill run through her. It was the same expression that Matt had given her. _Must be a brother thing_. "I know, Beth, but I can't leave him now. He offered us a roof after the fire, he did that and so much more. He needs us now, Beth."

"But he's being completely unresponsive to whatever we do," she protested. "I know he's done that for us, but what can we do to help him? He won't help himself!" But Jeff wasn't listening to Beth, he was watching his brother as he strolled toward his laptop and turned it on. Both watched in awe as he loaded the myspace screen and logged in.

"That can't be good," Jeff murmured. "His myspace has turned into a hate zone… Shane told me."

Beth cringed. "What do you think he's doing?"

"No clue," Jeff whispered back. "Hopefully nothing to sink him farther down his own personal hell hole." Then, the screen flickered and it went to what was once Lauren's myspace. When it was finished loading, Matt just stared at the screen, expression dull.

Beth and Jeff exchanged a glance and a sigh, unsure of what his staring meant. Someone had to help the man, right? "I'm going to try to talk to him again," Jeff said. "He's got to listen sometime."

"Okay…"

Seconds later, Jeff was beside Matt. "Hi bro."

Matt didn't budge, he only stared at a picture of himself and Lauren, Lauren's hair freshly dyed red. He cringed over the photo, remembering an argument Lauren and Matt had had over her change in hair color that Matt didn't even know that Jeff had overheard.

**Flashback**

_Jeff entered Matt's house, glad to be home from a week long road trip for the WWE. He was glad to be back from wrestling, if only for four days and glad to be able to spend time with Beth again. But as soon as he entered the livingroom, Beth pulled him aside. "Follow me," she whispered._

_Jeff could only oblige. "What's going on?" he hissed back._

_"Lauren and Matt have been going at it for about an hour." Jeff cringed. They'd been fighting a lot it seemed in November and Jeff hadn't any idea to why. Matt didn't want to talk about it and Lauren wouldn't tell Beth – her good friend Beth – a thing. Truth was, Lauren knew all about what Matt was thinking and thought she knew it was true, she didn't want to believe it herself. Plus, Lauren was very pregnant and due any day… she was stressed enough between wedding plans and the baby, plus her dreams to still step in a WWE ring._

_"Great," Jeff muttered._

_"No, you've got to hear this one," Beth insisted and pulled him closer to Matt's room._

_"I don't understand why I should dye my hair red!" Lauren shrieked. "I like my hair brown."_

_"Lauren, I explained this to you already. If you want to make it in the WWE, you'll have to stand out. They already have plenty of blondes and brunettes. There isn't a single redhead. Wouldn't it make sense? Vince is going to like someone who could offer something different to the table."_

_"I want Vince to like me for who I am, not who I'm pretending to be, Matt! I like me!" she explained._

_"I like you too, but this is important. You might not get hired if you… look, it would just mean a lot to me if you did so. If you want to get into the company, you need to have something to stand up on… you're not trained yet and you're pregnant."_

_Jeff's eyes bulged. "What?"_

_"I told you," Beth whispered. "He wants her to dye her red… and I don't think it's for the company, Jeff. She'll get into the company, if only to FCW. Something just tells me, this isn't about wrestling…"_

_Jeff nodded. "I know that… but…" Beth sighed and looked around then whispered something into his ear. "You think?"_

_She nodded, her head low. "I've suspected it for a while. It makes sense if you look at everything closely. When he gets mad at her, it's for something that she's not… something that she was."_

_Jeff nodded. "You're right."_

_Beth sighed, "I hate to say it outloud, but it's true, Matt's trying to turn Lauren into Amy."_

_Lauren's voice, which had remained quiet, broke the two's conversation into nothing. "If it's what you really want, Matt, I'll do it. Are you sure it'll make Vince like me more?" she asked wearily. _

_"I know so!" Matt nearly cheered out. "Look, Lauren, I know you can do this. You're amazing. Just wait. You'll be in the company soon enough."_

_Jeff could almost feel Lauren smiling. She loved Matt so much. "Thank you, Matt!" she squealed. "I can't believe this is happening. I love you so much right now! I'm going to be a WWE diva!"_

_Neither Jeff nor Beth had to heart to stop what was going on… but if they would have known it would escalade to what it would, the stopper would have been there from that argument…_

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	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Thanks mucho for the reviews! ^__^ You know I love 'em. NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER!! Enjoy!_

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_

**Present**

Jeff cleared his throat when Matt didn't answer. "Look, man. You need to talk to someone. If not me, or Beth, maybe a professional. What happened is screwed up, but this has got to stop, Beth's right. Maybe you should see a counselor or something."

Matt grunted.

He then remembered the night after the flashback Jeff had just had.

**_Flashback_**

****_She bounced heavily on Matt's bed, flying around him as he tried to write a blog on myspace. She was just a ball of energy, much too excited for her chance as a diva. Every so often, she'd lean against him and kiss his ear, let it linger all the way down onto his collarbone, finally stopping when Matt gave her the attention she wanted. It had only been two weeks since she gave birth to __Cheyenne__ and it was their first night without the baby, as Beth and Jeff had taken over baby duty for the night._

_She sat on his lap then, nearly making the laptop fall to the floor. Matt sighed, even though he was smiling and closed it, giving his full attention to the giggling brunette sitting on him. "Guess what?" Lauren said in a giggly whisper. "I have something to tell you."_

_Matt raised one eyebrow. "Yes, master?"_

_She let out another string of giggles. "It has eight letters, its three words." She took a deep breath, climbing so she could reach his ear. "I love you."_

_The words seemed forced as he whispered, "I love you too."_

**Present**

"C'mon, Matt. Even The Legend is getting worried. He doesn't know what to do anymore. This is getting ridiculous. We miss her just as much as you do. But we can't just let it control us."

For the first time in hours, Matt whispered gravely, "I believe my situation is a little different from yours, Jeff."

Jeff nodded. "I know, but it doesn't matter, Matt."

Matt growled almost. "Yes, Jeff! It does matter! I killed a girl, a girl that loved me because I'm a fucking prick! A good for nothing asshole." He stood up, slamming the laptop closed. "Did you ever notice the way she smiled at me? Like there was like nothing else in the room? I didn't. I was too damn consumed with making her perfect. Making her someone I could love. Because even thought I loved her, it wasn't enough that would make me be with her forever." He laughed bitterly. "Don't you get it, Jeff? She wasn't Amy. She'd never be Amy as much as I tried to make her Amy! She deserved better than me!"

Before Jeff could stop him, Matt stormed up the stairs and the door to his room slammed seconds later. Beth came up beside Jeff and sighed. "You tried, Jeff. That's all that counts."

Upstairs, Matt sat in his bed, staring at the ceiling. Being inside of the bed after such a long time was extremely weird for him. He was used to her wiggling around him, giggling at his every word. How could he loose something like that? Someone who loved him so much that it hurt to try to end something where she knew she'd never be the right one for him? She had to of known it, Matt knew. Everyone else did. Even Amy herself called and told Matt to get on with his life. How pathetic of him. Amy… did Amy hate him too? She must… she had to of heard all the details by then. Word travels. If half the internet knew, surely she did. The woman could read.

"I'm fucking… stupid," he whispered.

Her clothes still laid slack in the closet, piled up for when her parents came to pick them up. They didn't like Matt to begin with; he was in a violent living, beating the hell out of another grown man for entertainment. What happened only made their hatred worse. He could only imagine how overly joyful they'd be when they saw him. And of course, they'd hate him for letting her get into the business they hated. Then again, did it even matter anymore? They knew the truth.

_Everyone_ knew the truth.

Around him, everything was being swallowed. He was slipping into a subconscious state from lack of sleep. His body couldn't take it anymore. It was going to engulf him too, take him away for a while. But the bed didn't warm his mind as he drifted off to sleep and dreamland. It felt downright icy and frozen to his touch, as if it too, an inanimate object knew what he had done.

**_Matt's dream:_**

_Of course it would show up when he was sleeping. That was the reason he didn't sleep anymore. Because it was the only time he could remember it. The night of the event. The night that ruined his life. The night he got smashed and everything unraveled._

_It was her debut to the WWE world that night. She'd debuted as a friend of Mickie James, not a big character yet, but as Lauren would train, she'd get in the ring more and she'd get more of a character. As a congratulatory gesture, Jeff, Shane, and even Shannon had come to the RAW taping, Beth in tow. _

_They'd all gotten pretty smashed. Matt had insisted he'd call a cab for the two. All knew Matt wouldn't drive drunk, so they left. People shouldn't assume. _

_"I can't believe this!" Lauren squealed. "I'm a WWE diva! I debuted… I'm finally in your world." She pushed a strand of her newly red hair out of her face and grinned wildly at Matt. "It was amazing."_

_"Yeah, yeah," Matt grumbled back inside of his rental car. It didn't occur to her for some reason at first that Matt was indeed drunk. She herself was a little tipsy. "Great."_

_Lauren frowned. "Aren't you proud of me, Matt? We've been getting ready for this for a month almost! I dyed my hair, changed my style, everything!" she protested. "You could at least be a bit more excited for me." Her frown had turned to a pout. She figured Matt would stop acting cold towards her at the way her words came out. He turned the key and started the engine, not answering the new WWE diva. While he drove, she had started to cry. "Matt, please answer me, I'm sorry, what did I say?"_

_"What haven't you said?" Matt growled at her. "You've said such stupid shit in the past few days."_

_Lauren was taken back. "I… Matt, I'm sorry."_

_"Yeah, you should be," he growled. Somewhere along the lines of wanting Amy and being drunk, Matt had completely lost his mind. His stubborn attitude already made it bad enough. "Don't try to be all sweet and innocent with me now. I saw you hanging all over __Shannon__ tonight. Didn't think I'd see, did you?"_

_"Matt, what are you talking about?" Lauren demanded. "I didn't do that."_

_"Yes, you did. You were flirting and everything, damn it!" he yelled. "If you don't love me, you should tell me. Tell me, right? Tell."_

_"Matt, what are you talking about?" she cried. "I love you and only you. __Shannon__ was just happy for me. I'd never…"_

_"Yeah, sure," Matt grumbled back. "Like I'm going to believe that. You obviously aren't that into me. Too bad…"_

"Maybe we should just end it!" She squealed, tears slipping down her face. "If you're not happy with me, I'll go. It's fine Matt."

_"Amy, it's not fine!" he roared back. Funny how the memory was now so clear to him. Only if he could have heard it then. "You're a good for nothing—"_

_"I'm not Amy!" she wailed. "I'm not. I'm sorry."_

_Matt's enraged face calmed for a moment, but the intensity and anger came back twice as violent. He sped up on the slick highway, the roads icy from a recent snowfall. "Yeah, you're not. And you never will be."_

_"I'm sorry," she wailed again. "I can't be someone I'm not."_

_"You damn slut," he slurred. She whimpered once as he sped up and turned sharply. The icy jetted up around them as he drove ferociously. Speed was never something Matt had been afraid of before. He enjoyed speed._

_But with one bad turn and a sheet of black ice, they crashed._

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	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

**Author's Note: **Thanks mucho for the reviews! ^__^ You know I love 'em. Last chapter!! What did you think of the story?! Was it better than the first? Enjoy!_

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**Present**

Matt awoke with a start, a thick sheet of sweat on his forehead. The nightmare had happened again. The night Matt had killed Lauren by drunk driving only came to haunt him in dreams. He never wanted to sleep again. "Shit," he mumbled, sitting up.

They said she didn't suffer much. Died within the hour, her injuries much too bad to fix her up. But a lot of suffering could be done within an hour, Matt knew. He surely knew. Funny thing was, Matt walked out of the accident basically and physically unharmed. He'd killed someone because of delusions and drunkenness and he walked out fine. How was that fair? Lauren was a beautiful, warm, and happy woman. And he killed her. Because she couldn't be Amy. She couldn't be the redheaded, punk styled diva who Matt had first fallen in love with.

He looked at the clock. It was nearly four in the morning. Matt sighed and climbed out of bed, his muscles stiff. He hadn't worked out in weeks and his body felt it every morning. His knee was terrible still and if he wasn't numb with any other pain by remorse and anger, he knew he'd feel it.

As he walked toward his bedroom door, Matt grabbed a jacket and prepared to make the journey to the cemetery. He'd give anything to give himself, and maybe even somewhere, wherever Lauren was, closure. She deserved to be happy wherever she was, with someone who could love her more than Matt ever could have.

But before he could go down the stairs, he heard the soft sound of whimpering. Part of him told him to continue – that baby would only make his trip harder. Yet, the paternal instinct led him toward the nursery Jeff had built and painted for Lauren and him.

When he looked inside of the crib, he saw the irritated Cheyenne fussing about. As Matt gazed at her though, she stopped and stared up curiously. A small gurgle escaped her lips.

Her hands fussed about still, seemingly reaching up.

"You can't do this," he muttered softly. "I don't deserve you."

There was a voice in his head though, one that stopped him, _it doesn't matter if you don't deserve her, she's there. And she's not going anywhere. So man up and be her father like you're supposed to be… for me._

It was her voice… _her _voice.

"But… I can't. She'll hate me when she grows up—"

_That is your baby. You're her parent. She won't hate you if you treat her right. She couldn't hate you if you love her like I would have._

"But—"

_Please._

He looked up toward the ceiling once and then carefully picked up Cheyenne. She seemed quickly content in his arms. She even seemed to smile. It was within minutes she was fast asleep in his arms. And the funny thing was, holding the baby… it was the closest thing he had felt to feeling whole since the accident.

The next morning, Matt knew he had to one more thing… maybe somehow… it would help too.

It took him about a half hour to get to the cemetery. It was so silent inside, not a person around to watch him kneel before the grave. He sighed and ran his hand across the cold stone, its brittle front scratching his soft fingertips. "I'm so sorry, Lauren. I'm sorry for everything I've done. You didn't deserve this. You deserved a career you loved with someone who loved it as much as they loved you. You deserved to be yourself, the wonderful person you were. You should have been you."

He stood up, feeling a bit of a stabbing in his chest. "I owe you so much more of an apology… but I can't do much more. I can't be anything more to you, even now." He laughed bitterly. "I wish you would have known from the start. Somehow figured it out like all my other girlfriends. You loved me too much…" He started to walk away, tears falling freely from his face. "I miss you though, I do. I'll promise you that. You made my life more fun than it had been in a long time."

"The fans hate me now, you know. Even the hardcore ones, the ones that read every blog and loved me to death. I guess it's fitting, I deserve it. I do. Shannon won't talk to me… and Beth and Jeff don't know what to do with me. But I know now… I know what my purpose is. That beautiful little girl who was in my arms last night… those innocent eyes. That's my key to survival. That baby of ours. I know what I need to do to get better… and it starts with her."

Matt stood for a moment, trying to figure out if there was anything else he needed to say. Finally, he spoke again:

"You were beautiful the way you were. An angel in disguise. And everyone knew it but _me_.

"And because of that I don't know if you'll ever forgive me," he whispered. "And that's my fault. But that baby needs me as a father… and if I know anything anymore, you want me to provide for her like I should have been since this whole ordeal started. Maybe it's the only thing that will keep me sane, I don't know, but it's what I'm going to do."

As he made his way to the road again, a piece of stray paper made him stop. He picked it up, finding it crumbled. Slowly, he opened it, shocked to see the words on it. In careful, bubbly handwriting were the words, "_'Even if no one else thinks so, believe you can achieve your dreams and conquer your world'… You said them once… now believe it._"

He couldn't believe it… who had gone through his blogs and picked that one quote from his myspace? Matt blinked, tracing the words over with a finger. With those words, there was suddenly a silver lining…

_-_

_…So as I sit here, just about one month later, I realize this. What had I done? What could I have possibly done to make my life so miserable? Sure, I could blame it on the past, where the root of the problem began. But the truth is, there is no excuse. I have no excuse for what my life is now. All I have is the self-pity that is adrenaline to my veins. There is no reason for this self-pity I have given myself as a life. I can't sit here, not matter how terrible my actions and just let it consume me. I do not want it, she wouldn't have wanted it._

_So, here is Matt Hardy saying what should have been said when this all started. How sorry I am to all of you, sorry for those who believed in me as a hero, believed in me as a person you could truly say was happy, whatever reason you looked up to me for. Or to the haters who were just itching for me to fail, I'm sorry for giving you another reason to add to that book. But, I can't say anymore. There is nothing left for me to say. I am Matt Hardy, I have a lot to build back in for my life and I don't know when I'll be able to truly start that. All I know is that it starts here… Even if no one else believes me, I have to rebuild my life. And with the beautiful little angel I have in her memory now, I will. Matt Hardy will not die._

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